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The party continues to fight kobolds and oozes inside the Shoin Institute.

A flustered Hamid tries to figure out how to handle his new situation, Azu doesn't want to lose any more friends, Zolf has a lot of body positivity & Cel uses a unique potion.


The party is still in combat with kobolds and oozes in side a white, tiled room inside the Shoin Institute. Zolf attacks the oozes and warns the rest of the party not to slice them. Hamid tells the kobold to stay where it is before also attacking the oozes. Azu hears more kobolds coming up the stairs. Zolf accidentally splits the remaining ooze into two, and then gets grappled by an ooze. Cel continues splitting the rest of the oozes into more oozes, so Hamid can cast fireball. Azu yanks Zolf free from the ooze that is grappling him and tells him to vacate the room.


Zolf withdraws out of the room but triggers another spike trap in the doorway (52 damage). He falls unconscious. Hamid drags him inside the stairwell and then casts fireball inside the room, destroying all the oozes. More kobolds come up the stair, forming into a phalanx to attack. Azu moves over towards Zolf and heals him using lay on hands (14 HP). Cel looks down at the kobolds in the stairwell, asks the rest not to look, and then chugs a potion of something, grabs the railing and vomits a swarm of spiders on top of the kobolds. Zolf channels positive energy and heals everyone (12 HP). Hamid tells Cel that they might not need to hurt the kobolds, and he walks over to the railing, turning his hands into claws, and tells the kobolds they don't need to fight. The kobolds are too distracted by the spiders to notice. The kobolds drop their weapons and begin fleeing up and downstairs, and some of them are pushed over the railing in the panic, falling down the stairwell.

A digital drawing of Zolf, a dwarven male with short hair and a braided beard. His eyes are closed and he is looking down. On either side of his temple are sharp, red bloodlike marks. There's a trail of white smoke coming out of both ends.

Zolf's scar from being hit by spikes. Art by @sphor_ on tumblr. Used with permission.

There being no more immediate threats, Zolf once again channels positive energy (14 hp). Two of the kobolds that fled upstairs are also healed, but keep fleeing away from the party. Zolf has a new scar from the spike trap: a horrifying puncture wound on his temple. Hamid walks up to the remaining, prostrated kobold and tells it in draconic that it can now stand up if it wants. The kobold refuses, but proceeds to stroke Hamid's foot. Hamid, uncomfortable, asks it not to do that.

Zolf, using an alternative strategy, yells at the kobold "Stand up cretin, your master demands it!". The kobold does not respond. Zolf tells Hamid to stop being friendly by asking the kobold things, but that he should instead demand them. Cel attempts to talk to the kobold in Japanese, but they do not respond. Hamid, adopting Zolf's advice, tells the kobold to stand up. The kobold, full of admiration, stands up and to attention in front of Hamid. Hamid looks very uncomfortable.


Alex: "Killed just, loads and loads of innocents. Loads and loads of innocents."
Ben: "Wow wowowowow... Hold your big horses right there, small horse! They were not innocents. They were combatants who had syringe spears."
Alex: "Wow wow wow wow. You're assuming that everyone that Hamid said was a combatant was a combatant. Could be lying. This could be Hamid's turn."
Helen: "Could've been manipulated into it."
Lydia: "Could've been nice things in the syringes."
Alex: "I mean, just to put it out there, technically speaking this could all be the fever dreams of Hamid and Azu as they are still poisoned back at the Japanese pub, but... that is a story move I'm not going to make."
Bryn: "Everything could still be a simulation inside Mr. Ceiling."
Alex: "Could be, yes."
Ben: "Or could be other people sitting inside a sweltering room wasting time! That could be a thing!"
―Episode introductions.

Alex: "That's a hit. Do you hit the one of the left or the one on the right, it matters because I'm tracking their stats."
Ben: "Right... which one is closer?"
Alex: "They're both equally distant from you."
Ben: "Which one is the original one?"
Alex: "Both of them."
Ben: "Which one is slightly bigger?"
Alex: "Both of them."
―Zolf attacks one of the oozes.

Alex: "Also, blobbo the remainder... I don't know how else to describe it."
Ben: "Not like that."
Helen: "I'm thinking about Mr. Blobby now."
Ben: "Terrifying."
Bryn: "Blobby blobby blobby!"
Helen and Lydia: "Aaah! Kill it! Kill it!"
Bryn: "The most terrifying sound a British child of a certain age can hear."
Alex: "Okay, canonically now, all oozes make that noise when they attack."
―[add context]

Ben: "So that is 7 slashing- ...I said I wasn't going to do that, might have been a mistake... and 6 fire."
Helen: "Maybe it'll split into two."
Alex: "So, funny you should say that."
Ben: "We're improving its action economy, I don't like it! [...]"
Bryn: "I prefer to think of it as multiplying the amount of damage it'll take from a fireball."
Ben: "Ooooooh."
―Zolf attacks one of the oozes.

Alex: "That's 7 normal damage, plus 11 acid damage... plus..."
Ben: "Wha-?"
Alex: "Yeah, people can keep talking as these effects keep stacking up."
Ben: "It's ok I've got loads of hitpoints."
Helen: "I mean, you have said things about having 'lots of armour', 'I can survive this!'."
Ben: "My CMD is 20."
Alex, disappointed: "Ooh. That's a vaguely acceptable amount of CMD. I don't like that, that's rubbish!"
Helen: "We live to disappoint you Alex."
―[add context].

Helen: "Oh yeah, you're almost naked! I forgot about that!"
Ben: "Why does Zolf spent a lot of his time naked?"
Alex: "Because of how you play Zolf!! Cause you charge into clothal-destroying disasters!"
Bryn: "He's just really proud of his body, you guys! He likes to get it out at any given opportunity, and we should celebrate that!"
―Zolf clothes are tattered from the lightning strikes.

"Go for it, I have loads of hitpoints!"
Ben, encouraging Cel to shoot at the ooze that is attached to Zolf.

Alex: "Technically speaking, I mean, if you keep going, you know, It's a... It's a - I should know this - asymptotic relationship?"
Bryn: "No."
Alex: "Argh, I forgot it!"
Bryn: "It's a discrete system, so it can't be asymptotic. It's like Xeno's paradox, it's like 'Oh, the arrow can't catch the tortoise'- Ye- It does! It just does, you guys!"
Alex: "I mean, it's tending towards asymptotic, can we agree on that?"
Bryn: "It's as close as asymptotic as you can get in a discrete system."
Helen: "What. Is. Happening?"
Ben: "They're asking if you can split it infinitely."
Helen: "....Why do they not just say that then?"
Ben: "Because they're nerds!"
―[add context].

Ben, as a spike trap triggers on Zolf: "I haven't got a very good AC... but loads of hit points..."
Lydia: "Yeah, we know Ben!"
Helen: "STOP SAYING THAT! It has betrayed us before!"
Ben: "I will say it until I'm DEAD!"
Alex: "Bryn, I'm going to need you to maths for me on the rapid."
Ben, amused: "...I may not have loads of hitpoints..."
Alex: "Nine, plus..."
Ben: "...not after this."
Alex: "Five... ehh- ten, sorry, plus... eleven..."
Ben: "Ah."
Alex: "...Seven..."
Ben: "This one might be a problem."
Alex: "Plus... eight."
Ben: "I've got Tjelvar?"
Alex: "Plus..."
Helen: "You're being punished!"
Alex: "Seven."
Ben: "Okay, genuinely this might be..."
Bryn: "I mean, I made that 52."
Ben: "Pffffff.... Nah, it's fine. I mean, I'm down, but I'm not.... dead."
―Zolf has loads of hit points.

Bryn: "Ok, so technically what I do is aim a fireball with its center beyond the wall, however the little mote that causes the fireball to happen impacts the wall and explodes from there."
Alex: "If only it could bounce. If only it could bounce and hit Azu. [...]"
Ben: "Also, be careful what you wish for, if it could bounce, it could bounce around corners. That gives him far more utility than it gives him a problem."
Alex: "Ahhh, Hamid doesn't have the dex for that-"
Bryn: "I mean, my dex is 18, so..."
Alex: "-Hamid has the dex for that. I'm really glad that fireballs don't bounce!"
―[add context].

"Cel... I accidentally skipped Cel. Cel, you're up now. I am a fickle god! And incompetent."

Ben: "12 hitpoints for everybody! Including the prostrate kobold."
Bryn: "I don't think the prostrate kobold took any damage."
Lydia: "Just psychic damage! [...]"
Ben: "But they are bathed in the healing light of..."
Alex: "-their great and noble leader, the dragon king."
Ben: "Yeah, but specifically hope. [...]"
Alex: "Well yeah, hope that their dragon savior will lead them away from this hellish existence where they get killed non-lethally by paladins."
―Zolf channels positive energy.

Alex: "Look, it's fine. If there's one thing we've learned, it's that if you put Zolf advising someone in a position of power, it goes very, very well!"
Ben: "Correct."
Bryn: "You're saying, 'Zolf, don't talk to Hamid, you might give him ideas'?"
―[add context]

Dice rolls and Mechanics[]

  • Azu Perception check: 20
  • Hamid Diplomacy check on the kobolds: ?

Combat Breakdown[]

Combat continued from previous episode, ongoing effects:

  • Hamid: +4 AC from mage armor.
  • The party has +1 on attack rolls, weapon damage rolls, saves, and skill checks, while enemies have -1 on those rolls from Zolf casting prayer.

Initiative: Zolf (20), Hamid (14), Kobolds, black ooze, Cel, Azu (5)
There was a break between recordings so Alex restarts at the top of the initiative order.

Round 3

  • Zolf: Casts searing light at one of the oozes: 18 (17 damage). He tells the others to splat the oozes, not slice them.
  • Hamid: Tells the kobold to remain where it is. He moves up behind Cel and casts scorching ray at the ooze that Zolf has already hit: 18 (19 fire damage), 13 (23 fire damage). The ooze disintegrates. 
  • Kobold: Proceeds to grovel, becoming mechanically helpless. Azu hears more kobolds in the stairwell.
  • Black ooze: Moves towards Zolf, triggering an attack of opportunity from him: 15 (7 slashing damage, 6 fire). The ooze splits into two. Both oozes attack Zolf: Hit (7 damage + 11 acid), Miss. One of the oozes attaches itself to Zolf's arm and he is grappled.
  • Cel: Shoots three arrows at the ooze not grappling Zolf: 24 (1 piercing, 4 electric damage). The ooze splits into two. The second attack is aimed at the bigger ooze: 11 (9 piercing, 3 electric damage), that one also splits into two. The third attack hits one of the four smaller oozes: 10 (2 piercing, 5 electric damage). This one also splits into two. There are now 5 oozes. Hamid asks everyone to move out of the room. Cel takes a 5 foot step back into the stairwell. 
  • Azu: Runs up and pulls Zolf back. Combat maneuver check: 27 (Zolf: 28). It is very difficult to yank him loose from the ooze but they just manage, Zolf is no longer grappled. Azu tells him she thinks Hamid is going to cast fireball and that they should vacate the room.

Round 4

  • Zolf: Takes the withdraw action to avoid attacks of opportunity from the oozes and vacates the room. As Zolf passes through the doorway, a spike trap triggers again: 6 spikes hit for 52 total damage.
  • Hamid: Yells for Azu, and then uses his move action to drag Zolf inside the stairwell (5 feet). He then aims a fireball at the far wall, catching all the oozes but not Azu in the explosion: 55 fire damage. The oozes are all evaporated. He then asks Azu to help Zolf. 
  • Kobolds: Several more kobolds appear in the stairwell, more wary and forming into a phalanx
  • Azu: Picks up Zolf and uses lay on hands on him: 14 HP. She asks Hamid to tell the kobolds to stop. 
  • Cel: Stands at the top of the stairwell, grabs the railing, drinks a flask of something, and then vomits a swarm of spiders on top of the kobolds.

Round 5

  • Zolf: Takes a 5 feet step backwards and then channels positive energy so the kobolds aren't in his range: 12 HP
  • Hamid: Looks embarrasedly at Cel, and tells them that they might not need to hurt the kobolds. He walks up to the top of the stairs, turns his hands into claws, and tells the kobolds: "You don't need to fight us!"
  • Kobolds: Are swarmed by the spiders, none of them are killed, but they all drop their weapons. Most flee downstairs, but two flee upstairs. Some of the kobolds are shoved over the railing and fall down the stairwell. 


Plot Notes[]