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The party continues their confrontation of the deadly necromancer Franz Kafka. Grizzop and Sasha attempt to deal with an infestation in the basement, as Bertie and Hamid have their moment in the limelight.


Bertie and Hamid are standing outside the boxes as the echo of “Hello, Prague” fades from the auditorium. Hamid goes to the front of the box and checks to see if the rest of the auditorium heard the voice as well, and Bertie hangs back as he gathers up his armour. Hamid feels the fear effect, but isn’t affected by it. As he makes it to the balcony, he sees that the entire auditorium is awash with a red glow, and everyone is turned toward the stage, frozen in fear. Upon the stage is who Hamid recognizes as Don Giovanni, floating above the stage in a long, flowing black cloak with a massive tome (Kafka). 

In the basement, there are a lot more and a lot bigger ripples coming toward them, and Sasha and Grizzop hear some scraping wet footprints. Grizzop pokes his head out a bit and looks to see if he can spot anything, and sees a massive shambling mess of zombie coming toward him and Sasha. There are a few smaller ones along with it, and another large zombie following behind it. 

Hamid goes back out to where Bertie is pulling his armour on, and says that Bertie should be able to get down onto the stage behind Kafka while Hamid distracts him. He’ll go into the auditorium and Bertie can sneak up behind him. Bertie says that he’s terrible at sneaking, and so Hamid revises the plan where Bertie will distract Kafka as Hamid sneaks up behind him. They start putting Bertie’s armour on. Once Hamid and Bertie have successfully gotten Bertie’s armour back on, Bertie moves into the box and sees the same scene as Hamid. He still hasn’t been noticed by Kafka, but as he steps into the auditorium, a sense of creeping dread comes over him. He feels frozen in place by fear, and closes his eyes. 

Back in the basement, one big giant zombie is unable to climb up the wall, but the second giant zombie and some of the smaller ones are using the first as a stepping stone. Sasha says that she grabbed some canisters of gas, and Grizzop says that he’ll shoot it. 

A front facing drawing of Kafka, a human male. He is wearing a hooded cape as well as a suit. He is holding his left hand up in front of him. There is a book floating in front of him with a cover that reads: Mortis, Securtes, Libertes, Omrium in cursive.

Kafka casts with his book. Art by @Berry05880063 on Twitter. Used with permission.

Hamid makes it back into the auditorium - as far as he can see, everyone in the room is frozen in fear and Kafka is standing on the stage with the book open and his eyes shut as he mumbles. There’s a lot of power around the room. Quietly and carefully, Hamid takes out his crossbow, aiming for the book. The crossbow jams, and Hamid swears, quietly, and then it shoots - not firing the bolt, but making a loud enough noise to draw Kafka’s attention, and Hamid swears a little bit louder. Kafka turns and looks at Hamid with glowing eyes and again, in a voice that everyone can hear, says “Oh, hello”. 

Bertie, meanwhile, has managed to shake off the fear effect with a lot of effort, and notices that Kafka is staring directly at Hamid and not paying attention to Bertie. He takes a step off the edge of the balcony and activates his boots of flying. 

Back in the basement, the smaller zombies are beginning to be able to enter the doorway. Grizzop mutters a prayer to Artemis and channels positive energy. Sasha takes the condition nauseated as a result. Both giant zombies resist, but all the small zombies got basically destroyed. Sasha drops an alchemist's fire onto the zombies, and hits a zombie right on the head. The zombie's head catches aflame just enough for Sasha to see the scene. 

All of the energy that’s been sloshing around is now being aimed at Hamid, but he’s able to avoid it. He realizes that Kafka is messing around with the ritual in order to aim his attack at Hamid. 

Bertie notices all the people in the auditorium stir a bit, and assumes that they’re impressed with him - at this point, they enter initiative. 

Kafka asks Hamid, "And who are you?" Meanwhile, Hamid grabs a rope that is attached to one of the sandbags and successfully swings down onto the stage with a witty one-liner that all the audience can hear, due to the amazing acoustics. Mid-flight, Bertie recalls that he has an invisibility potion, and drinks it while slowly approaching Kafka. 

Kafka's face contorts weirdly, and mutters to himself, gradually getting louder. He then throws an arm out at Hamid, and casts a spell at Hamid. Hamid's knowledge arcana informs him that Kafka has cast an incredibly brutal feeblemind on him. Hamid drops to all fours. 

Back in the basement, Grizzop fires an arrow into each eye of the giant zombie right in front. The arrows go straight through the zombie's head, the fletching sits in the eye sockets and the arrowheads stick out the back of the zombie's head. The zombie stumbles and falls backward, crushing a number of smaller zombies. Sasha throws an alchemist's fire down at the giant zombie that is still standing. 

A drawing of Hamid, a halfling male, on all fours. His fingers and toes have transformed into claws and his skin is grey with bronze scales all over. He has horns and the pupils of his eyes are now slits. His shirt and pants are ripped. His mouth is open and showing sharp teeth.

Hamid, feebleminded. Art by @kalgalen on tumblr. Used with permission.

Hamid's hand changes into claws, his usual bracelet slips off and his clothes disintegrate. Claw-like patterns spread across his body, and old scars show up as ridges. Hamid's shoes slip off, and his feet also change. Hamid leaps, mouth first, at the book in Kafka's hand. Kafka almost makes the combat manoeuvre defense, but in the surprise of Hamid's transformation, Hamid manages to snatch the book out of Kafka's hands. Bertie thinks a massive dog has attacked Kafka, and mistakes Hamid for Brutor. Hamid, after following his last instinct to snatch the book out of Kafka's hands, now turns to flee. 

Bertie attempts to make a flying stealth attack, but is unable to keep his mouth shut, and fails the stealth. He still manages to get to Kafka and make his attack, which lands and slashes Kafka across the chest. Kafka is thrown backwards and falls to his knees. He then turns to Bertie and says, "Oh, you're next."  


Alex: "And on a scale of 1-10 how doomed are you?"
Lydia: "We’re like, we’re not that doomed, are we Grizzop?"
Ben: "Mildly."
Lydia: "We’re at the top of some stairs which have collapsed with a bunch of zombies crawling out of the sewage waste below."
Ben: "Doom in the basement, moderate to good."
Bryn: "I mean, I’m a bit disappointed to find that the bad guy wasn’t in the shadowy curtains-drawn box with the creepy hand coming out of it. So, narratively I’m very disappointed, but I wouldn’t describe myself as doomed as such."
James: "At most I may contain scenes of mild peril, and by contain, I mean I’ve got the situation pretty firmly in hand."
―[add context]

Alex: "Is that a mushroom cloud? Yeah, we should, we should go look at that!"
James: "No, not directly!"
―[add context]

Alex: "Upon the stage, stands what you recognise to be Don Giovanni. In the centre of the stage, floating about half a foot above it, with all of the, uh, black cloak and et cetera slowly waving outwards in a wind that isn't there—"
Bryn: "Oh my God it's Voldemort, guys."
Alex: "Gripping what's clearly a massive tome. And everyone is sat perfectly still, and just staring."
Bryn: "How much did I bet that it was going to happen on the stage, guys?"
Kafka makes his move.

"Aw, man, why did I stock up on fire stuff, there's always water, ugh!"

Alex: "It's also not alone."
Ben: "Are there other big'uns or some small ones?"
James: "It carries other zombies with it in it's heart."
Alex: "There are a few smaller ones surrounding it, which are moving closer—"
Lydia: "Zombie friends!"
―Sasha and Grizzop face off against zombies in the basement.

"Ah, stealth, my true forte! I'm a man of many hidden talents! I mean, no, no, hang on, no, no. I mean, just because the woman can do it, and she's poor as well, doesn't mean I can necessarily do it. I'm gonna be terrible! That would be, truly awful at sneaking up on people."

Ben: "God, you take all the magic out of it."
Lydia: "Yeah, you take the fun out of it!"
Alex: "Look, okay, the fact that I rolled single figures for every single one is yet more evidence that even if you hadn't have known what was going on, the dice will just let the game play out how it should, it's all good."
Lydia: "The dice know. All hail dice."
―The zombies attack Sasha and Grizzop.

Ben: "Yeah, so I'm gonna use rapid shot, so I hit it on a—"
Alex: "You assume you hit it."
Ben: "20?"
Alex: "You hit it so much."
Ben: "I'm glad we had this talk."
Alex: "It's almost like massive things are really easy to hit."
―Grizzop attacks the zombies.

Bryn: "What you need to do is, like, find some sort of barrel of oil to throw into the water."
Alex: "Welcome to the next episode of micro siege!"
―[add context]

"And starts trying to run closer, however by virtue of it just being this massive mess, it, it just actually is more or less keeping the same speed it's just looking more agitated."

Bryn: "I'm basing this on the theatres I've been in, but there should be, like, basically a locked door that leads to beside the stage? Now, I can't open a locked door, but I do have an infinitely castable acid splash, so I'm just going to point at the lock, and keep casting."
Ben: "If it's anything like the other theatre doors here, it just won't be locked."
Hamid attempts to get closer to Kafka.

James: "8."
Alex: "8."
Bryn: "Plus 1 versus fear!"
James: "Oh plus one if it's fear, 9!"
Alex: "Ooh, goodness me! I mean, you failed less badly!"
―Bertie attempts to resist Kafka's fear effect.

Alex: "It's all you can do not to drop your sword currently. And, give me a Perception check."
James: "Total of 2!"
Alex: "You close your eyes in fear."
James: "Ironically, I can see more!"
―Bertie is unable to resist Kafka's fear effect.

Alex: "To clarify, she rolled an 11. It wasn't a 1, 2, or maybe a 3."
Bryn: "Do the Jaws thing, throw it in it's mouth and then shoot it."
Grizzop: "That was my idea."
Alex: "You do, however, have to have an excellent one liner or you will be taking a penalty, so, you know, beware."
―Grizzop shoots the canister of gas that Sasha throws.

Alex: "The person—again, presumably Kafka—it's Kafka, let's just skip the mystery—"
Lydia: "Ah, spoilers! Ah, gosh darn it, Alex! Ah—there could've—so many options!"
―[add context]

"It's not emotional growth, it's off soup! Wonky soup, not feelings!"

Alex: "You are both aware that you are unnoticed, and aware that he is, presumably, staring directly where Hamid is. He is completely oblivious to you."
Lydia: "If anything, that's offensive."
James: "Yes."
Alex: "In fact, y'know what's happened? You know Hamid's original plan? It's going flawlessly!"
Bertie: "Good thinking Hamid! What a stroke of genius!"
―Hamid distracts Kafka while Bertie goes for the attack.

Lydia: "Yay, I get healed! I was on 21—"
Alex: "Give it a second, Sasha."
Lydia: "Aw ... I'm not that undead ... only a little bit ... minorly dead, moderate corpse ..."
―Grizzop channels positive energy, but Sasha only feels moderately nauseous.

Alex: "You succeed in the manoeuvre, and you can give me a witty one-liner as you land that everyone in the room will hear, because the acoustics are amazing."
Hamid: "I'm the person that's here to stop you!"
Bryn: "It's not witty, but it—go with it, go with it."
Alex: "Yeah, it's all good, it's all good!"
Lydia: "Not a "sorry about dropping in on you like this"."
Ben: "Lydia, you should just be our writer for this, like, you should just do our quips."
Alex: "But not Sasha. Lydia, yes. Sasha, no."
―Hamid lands on the stage, having swung there on a rope.

Sasha: "Mate, falling through those stairs was the best tactical move that we've made so far ..."
Grizzop: "It's really good, like, this could've gone a lot worse!"
―[add context]

Bryn: "It's actually quite unusual for a Halfling to wear shoes but there's no time to address that."
James: "We're going to the theatre, no shirt, no shoes, no service."
―[add context]

Alex: "Do you have a potion of "fly better"? You don't, that's not a thing."
James: "I mean I've got ... I've got two bottles of cheap brandy so I've got a potion of think you can fly better."
―Bertie attempts to fly down onto the stage.

"Not used to being stealthy, it's just too much pressure, I had to say something! Otherwise how would he know that I'm about to sneakily stab him in the spine?!"

Alex: "And I'm gonna end the episode there."
James: "Is he mechanically—mechanically is he still next to—?"
Alex and Bryn: "Yeah, yeah."
Lydia: "We're all fine down here in the basement, we feel great, totally really healthy!"
Ben: "Absolutely fine!"
Bryn: "(rabid noises)"
―[add context]

Dice rolls and Mechanics[]

Hamid makes a perception check: 17.

Hamid makes a will save against the fear effect of Kafka’s voice: 19.

Grizzop makes a perception check: 19.

Grizzop makes a knowledge religion check: 8.

Bertie makes a will save against the fear effect: 9.

Bertie makes a perception check: 2.

Hamid makes a perception check: 13.

Hamid makes a stealth check: 17.

Bertie makes a will save against the fear effect: 16.

Bertie makes an acrobatics check: -4.

Hamid makes a will save: 18.

Hamid makes a knowledge arcana check: 18.

Bertie makes a perception check: 6.

Hamid makes a will save against the spell Kafka casts: 14.

Hamid makes a knowledge arcana on the spell Kafka cast: 29.

Bertie makes a perception check to recognize Hamid: 2.

Bertie makes a stealth check: nat 1.

Bertie makes a fly check: 10.

Combat Breakdown[]

Initiative: Grizzop (23), Sasha (18)
Note: time is slightly weird for this combat - Hamid and Bertie are acting concurrently but not in combat time, their actions are primarily in the synopsis until they roll initiative.

Round 1

Grizzop: Activates divine bond and grants his bow the flaming property, adding 1d6 fire damage to each arrow. He uses rapid shot: hits the closer massive zombie with a 20 and deals 5 damage. His second shot on the same target hits on a 17 and he deals 5 damage. It goes through the massive zombie and hits a smaller one behind it, taking it out.

Sasha: Throws a bottle of alchemist’s fire and hits with a 19. It deals three damage to the closer big zombie and the surrounding zombies take 1 splash damage.

Hamid and Bertie are working on putting Bertie’s armour on. 

Round 2

Grizzop: Makes another attack using rapid shot. Hits on both attacks, 21 and 15, dealing a total of 20 damage. 

Sasha: Makes a perception check of 14 to find something flammable. She finds a canister of gasoline, but nothing of enough scale to have a massive effect. 

Alex skips time ahead a bit. Grizzop has fired enough arrows for the massive zombie in the front to fall as Sasha returns with what she was able to find. For ease of notation, only actively portrayed rounds are numbered.

Round 3

Sasha: Throws a canister of gas at the zombies trying to climb, hits with an 11 and deals 4 damage, plus 1 splash. 

Grizzop: Shoots two arrows at the gas - the first is a nat 1, and the second is a 23. The first shot beans a zombie right between the eyes, although not the one he was aiming for, and the second hits the gas and explodes, dealing 14 damage. 

Time skips ahead a bit.

Round 4

Grizzop: Channels positive energy, dealing 9 damage to the zombies. It doesn’t heal or harm Sasha but she becomes nauseated. All of the smaller zombies within range are destroyed and fall into the water. 

Sasha: Drops a bomb onto the zombies and hits with a 20, dealing 2 damage and 1 splash damage. 

At this point, Hamid and Bertie enter initiative: Both of them roll nat 20s.

Initiative: Grizzop (23), Hamid (23), Bertie (22), Sasha (18), Kafka, but Alex is playing fast and loose with the order as the party is still split.

Round 5

Hamid: Grabs a rope that’s attached to a sandbag and steps off the ledge, rolling an acrobatics of 15 to land and a 22 to perform.

Bertie: Has not yet been noticed by Kafka and drinks an invisibility potion as he approaches. 

Kafka: Casts an incredibly powerful feeblemind on Hamid. Hamid rolls a knowledge arcana of 29 to recognise the spell but fails the will save against it with a roll of 14 (he gets a -4 penalty for being a sorcerer). His intelligence and charisma is instantly reduced to 1. Hamid drops to all fours. 

Grizzop: Fires two arrows at the closest zombie’s eyes. He hits both times. The left eye and right eye both take 11 points of damage each. It stumbles backward and crushes some of the smaller ones. 

Sasha: Is still nauseated and throws another alchemist’s fire at the zombies. She hits on a 15 and deals 6 damage plus 1 splash damage. 

The zombies are all in disarray until the big zombie can get back up. 

Round 6

Hamid: His hands change into claws and his clothing essentially disintegrates. The claw-like pattern is starting to stretch across his body, some of his old scars turn into ridges, and his feet start to change as well. He scrabbles forward on all fours and leaps, mouth first, at the book in Kafka’s hand. He makes a disarm check of 17 and plows into Kafka, grabbing and knocking the book out of his hands. Hamid then turns to flee. 

Bertie: Does not recognise Hamid and assumes it was a big dog that attacked Kafka. He attempts to stealthily fly up to Kafka but rolls a nat 1 on the stealth and a 10 on the flying. Kafka notices him but Bertie manages to make an attack. He rolls 22 to hit and deals 11 damage.

Plot Notes[]