Summary
An ultimate evil is ended. Grizzop and Sasha leave the basement, as Bertie is short of words and Hamid takes a breather.
(at the beginning of the episode, Alex notes that the recording is lower quality due to several tracks being lost)
Synopsis
During combat, Kafka leans in to Bertie after Bertie has been frozen in place, and asks why he should spare Bertie. Bertie says that he’s a hero, and Kafka gestures to the wings. There’s a cut-off cry, and then Aziza is pulled onto the stage and lifted up. Kafka offers Bertie a choice: Bertie can either sacrifice himself and save Aziza, or he can sacrifice Aziza and save himself. Everyone in the auditorium is still unable to move, completely frozen in fear. Kafka says that as long as Bertie really begs, he’ll kill her instead of him - but if Bertie doesn’t, he’ll be such a hero that Kafka will have to dismiss him. Bertie runs some calculations in his head: if he lets Aziza die or begs pathetically in front of all of these people, he’ll have his third strike and be consigned to the flaming poo dimension.
Grizzop shoots at Kafka, holding Bertie aloft. Art by @Berry05880063 on Twitter. Used with permission.
Kafka begins to suffocate Bertie, and says that all he has to do is nod, and then all of it will pass onto Aziza. At this moment, Sasha and Grizzop smash into the auditorium and slam the door behind them. They see Kafka floating in the air, and Sasha starts feeling a strange effect in the room (not fear), and Grizzop starts succumbing to the fear effect. Grizzop also notices the remnants of Hamid’s clothes in the wings.
Feebleminded Hamid. Art by @planetsandmagic on tumblr. Used with permission.
Bertie nods, agreeing to pass the pain onto Aziza, and right before he falls unconscious, hears Kafka laugh and say “no.” Grizzop doesn’t notice him nod, but Sasha does.
Meanwhile, Hamid has found a buttress and is curled up under it as the rain softly falls around him. The skyline of Prague is beginning to shift, as the clouds have begun to spiral around this building, and zombies are starting to rise all around Prague.
Grizzop nearly destroys the book, and the audience begins to stir a bit as the zombies around them stand still. Sasha, dangling from Kafka’s exposed leg bone from where his foot was severed, notices the power strands connecting between the books. The power in the room is lessened again, and the audience starts to scream and scramble away, knocking Grizzop over.
The suction force pulling the power out becomes incredibly strong, and as Kafka and Sasha begin plummeting toward the ground, the pages of the book begin to plaster against him, looking as though they’re crushing him. A few of them catch Sasha’s hand, dealing 12 damage, and she lets go, dropping onto the stage. Kafka struggles a bit, and then the pages continue to press inward as he gasps, disappearing as the rest of the pages floats to the ground.
The suffocation effect on Bertie ends, but it doesn’t matter - Bertie is already dead.
Quotes
- Alex: So, he starts rising up, and you basically baseball swing it in order to get as much power behind it—
- James: Cricket! Cricket swing!
- Alex: He's a little dweeb.
- Lydia: Lacrosse sometimes.
- James: I'm very la-cross indeed!
--
- Alex: He just does a backward somersault, with all of the grace that Bertie, normally flying, lacks. Turns out going vertically up was okay.
- Bryn: Spraying Bertie with ankle blood in the process.
- Ben: My final move, the blood pin-wheel!
- Alex: It's not even my final form!
--
- Kafka: And who pray tell, are you?
- Bertie: I am Sir Bertrand MacGuffingham.
- Kafka: MacGuffingham…hmmm…interesting. And why shouldn’t I immediately disintegrate you, MacGuffingham?
- Bertie: Well, I am the hero of this narrative, and without me, this whole narrative world collapses.
- Kafka: The hero?
- Bertie: The hero of this narrative yes. Literally, the only protagonist I’ve ever met.
--
- Kafka: The hero, are you?
- Bertie: Yes, I am the hero.
- Kafka: Well, what would a hero be without the hero’s choice, am I right?
- Bertie: Hero’s choice?
- Kafka: So, what I’m hearing is that if you were to say, I don’t know, be asked to sacrifice yourself quite nobly, you’d do so being, such a hero?
- Bertie: I mean,…
- Kafka: In front of all of these people.
- Bertie: Hello fans!
- Kafka: So here’s what we’ll do, if you beg, you know, really beg not to die, I’ll kill her. Of course, if you don’t, you’ll be such a hero that I’ll have to dismiss you. What do you think?
--
- James: So, Bertie is—he's damned if he does—literally damned if he does, and literally damned if he doesn't, so he's going to stall for time.
--
- Kafka: Tick, tock, tick, tock.
- Alex: I am going to have to be blunt with you. You are quite literally one round from being unconscious and another round from being dead.
- James: If Bertie gives up Hamid’s sister, then he’s dead anyway but dead in an eternal horrible way, but if he stays being choked he also dies, but dies in a less awful way because he’s a hero so it’s like normal death…Bertie looks to the sword for guidance.
- Sword: I’m really sorry, but, well, it’s been fun?
- James: Bertie looks daggers at the sword.
--
- Alex: I, in my infinite kindness, am gonna give you one last chance—you will be unconscious either way. Are you going to nod and pass the buck or are you going to go unconscious? But genuinely, you are unconscious at the end of this either way, but the thing will stop if you just nod and pass the buck. Just let someone else take it, just let someone else handle it, the thing is, dead is dead, but a poo dimension, you might even be able to get out of it. You don’t know. You can probably mess around with those contract people. I mean, you can’t blag being dead, but you can blag a contract.
- James: The thing is, Bertie is ultimately a terrible person and he won’t have clocked the whole, ok, then there will be gratitude and so people will try and revive him, blah, blah, blah. So, he, while choking, he’s put under this much stress, he nods.
--
- Alex: You hear the distinct sound of someone smashing into stuff in the wings.
- Bryn: Probably a drum kit ... probably really dramatic sounding.
- Alex: Bum-tsh, but in a bad way.
- Bryn: Cymbal-ism (symbolism).
--
- Alex: At the last second you [Sasha] manage to let go and you drop onto the stage. However, you hear [groaning sounds] and then he [Kafka] just disappears and all that’s left are these pieces of paper that suddenly drift towards ground. And with that Bertie…dies. At the very last moment, the last ebbs of Bertie’s life ebb away and just as the suffocation effect ends…Bertie’s already dead.
- James: Bertie’s final thought is, “this is worse than Rag Week.”
Dice rolls and Mechanics
Grizzop and Sasha make a perception check: Grizzop gets a 14, Sasha gets a 30.
Bertie makes a will save: 12.
Bertie makes a fort save: 17.
Grizzop and Sasha make a perception check: Grizzop gets a nat 20, Sasha gets a 17.
Sasha makes a will save: 9.
Grizzop makes a will save: 14.
Grizzop makes a will save: 19.
Bertie makes a fort save to not choke: 13.
Grizzop and Sasha roll a perception check to see if they notice Bertie nodding: Grizzop rolls a 10, Sasha rolls a 16.
Hamid rolls a perception check: 26.
Grizzop and Sasha make perception checks as Aziza is thrown: Grizzop gets an 11, Sasha gets a 26.
Sasha makes a perception check: 29.
Sasha makes a reflex save: 14.
Combat Breakdown
Initiative order from last episode: Grizzop gets 23, Sasha gets 18, Hamid gets 23, Bertie gets 22 (however, the order is: Hamid - Bertie - Grizzop - Sasha - and it gets a little muddy in the middle).
Kafka stumbles backwards, asks Bertie what he is, and then rises 15 feet in the air, and his attention is focused on the book, about 20ft to the left. Bertie gets an attack of opportunity, and hits with a 27, dealing 18 damage and chops off his entire left foot.
Grizzop shoots the other giant in the eyes: both the 17 and the 12 hit, but only one hits in the eyes. The 17 roll does 5 fire damage, and the 12 roll does 10 damage.
Sasha is no longer nauseated, and she throws another alchemist’s fire down at the zombies. Rolls a 15 to hit, and deals 5 damage.
The zombies begin to climb stairs somewhere else in the basement.
Hamid runs off into the darkness, heading upwards.
Bertie makes a fly check to raise to Kafka’s level and rolls an 11. He swings his sword at Kafka’s torso, but misses with a 15.
Kafka makes a concentration checks, succeeds. Bertie makes a will save, rolls an 11, and freezes in place.
Grizzop leaps down on top of the giant - he misjudges it with an acrobatics roll of 7, and lands in the water. He draws his sword, and channels positive energy - deals 6 damage, and all of the smaller zombies explode. The bigger zombies also took the 6 damage.
Sasha throws a rope down for him.
One of the big zombies swings at Grizzop. It misses. The rest of the zombies start ambling toward them down the corridor.
Bertie is frozen in place, but Kafka has allowed him to continue speaking.
Kafka floats gently down and grabs the book, and then goes back up to Bertie. He pulls Aziza out of the wings and lifts her up magically.
Grizzop makes a strength check to climb up, but slips back down (he rolled a 3).
Sasha waits to pull Grizzop up with the rope.
The zombies get closer.
Bertie and Kafka continue to have a conversation (see plot synopsis).
Bertie rolls pomp and pageantry to stall Kafka and keep him talking - 23.
Grizzop has tied the rope around himself and braced, waiting for Sasha to pull him up, bow out to shoot the zombies starting to get close to her. Sasha held her action, and rolls a 13 on strength to successfully pull Grizzop up. As he gets on the ledge, he shoots two zombies, hitting on a 28 and 16 respectively. He deals 8 fire damage to the first (it explodes), and 5 fire damage to the second (and it is prone).
The zombies all take attacks - only one hits, dealing 5 damage to Grizzop.
Kafka casts a spell on Bertie, and Bertie begins to suffocate (he rolled a 12 on a will save, and a 17 on a fort save).
Sasha and Grizzop are running away. Sasha throws a Tanglefoot bag over her shoulder to attempt to capture the zombies. She rolls a 13 and successfully captures most of the zombies. They continue running, and then burst into the auditorium, with some zombies hot on their heels.
Bertie cannot move, apart from nod, and he’s still suffocating. Kafka taunts him.
Grizzop breaks out of the fear effect and shoots 2 arrows at the book. He hits on a 15 and a 22, and deals a total of 7 damage from both arrows. The first tears the binding, and the second buries itself into the cover. The power in the room starts to lessen.
Sasha runs up to the weighted cord, and rolls a 32 to disable device. She is able to cut two ropes, one sending her up into the air, and the other sending a piece of scenery crashing down toward Kafka.
Bertie nods, meaning he’ll pass the pain onto Aziza to try and save himself, and falls unconscious.
Kafka throws Aziza into the wings and she collides with something backstage. He turns a page in the book.
Grizzop reactivates his divine bond, and shoots two arrows at the book, hitting with a 19 and a 21. He deals 13 fire damage total to the book - it sets on fire and begins burning up, and the second arrow knocks the book away from him, pages blowing away.
Sasha somersaults through the air, rolling a 19, and grabs onto the exposed bone from Kafka’s leg.
Bertie is dying.
Kafka knows Sasha is there, but doesn’t do anything to her, instead trying to grab the pages of the book. Sasha notices that there are strands of power connecting the pages of the book to him.